File 0001.1: The Fantastical tale of Mister Edinger – Part 1

It was a Saturday morning in July, a most unremarkable Saturday, so unremarkable I’m wondering why I, the author, am even writing about this unremarkable Saturday. But as it so happens I am writing about this unremarkable Saturday, therefore implying it was a remarkable Saturday.

Having said that…it surely started as an unremarkable Saturday for Mister Edinger, Mister Edinger…Edward for friends, was a mostly normal human being, as so far “normal” is something that can be measured but I digress…that will happen a lot…please forgive me. Mister Edinger, Edward, was mostly a normal human being. I say mostly normal as if he was completely normal there would not be much to write about.

Edward woke up this particular Saturday morning with a gigantic headache. The night before he had a work party and he maybe had visited the bar a bit too often. He was sure that his manager would have something to say about that on Monday.

It’s a good thing for Edward that he would be preoccupied with something other than work on Monday, but I’m getting ahead of myself. He fell out of bed on the carpeted floor and almost decided that this would be a good place to spend the rest of the Saturday, it would have worked too if his bladder was not protesting. Giving up the battle of who would have the stronger willpower, his bladder or his head he got up and walked to the bathroom.

I will spare you the details of his morning rituals. Imagine it’s the same as for most people, we can conclude that half an hour later Edward was in his kitchen deciding to make breakfast for himself or skip it in favor of not giving his stomach any ammunition later. He decided to skip it and try the old getting some fresh air instead.

Edward lived in a small town near a big forest and he loved, like many middle-aged men, to walk there, pretending it was good for his health (forgetting conveniently that his last three suppers were fish and chips, kebab and pizza, not to mention all the alcohol he consumed the evening before). He would at least try to walk ten thousand steps each day and berate himself when he decided to be too lazy to cook. His mum would’ve been proud. His dad, a professional chef would have shaken his head in disappointment about the poor supper choices, the alcohol he would have applauded. Edward’s work parties only served the finest of beverages. That however is irrelevant for the story. The author just wants to get a minimum word count in before he gets to the end of his very first chapter.

Edward walked out the door of the home where he grew up and which he moved back in when his father moved to the elderly home and made his way to the forest. There was a slight breeze but almost no clouds. It would get hot later and he already regretted not taking a hat. He would best finish his walk before noon…as otherwise, he would feel the wrath of a sunburn and a migraine because he did not prepare.

“Ah, the story of my life,” he said to himself sardonically. He made it to the forest and entered it through a small entrance in the fence that is meant to keep the wildlife in (and cars out he supposed). It was quiet but then again, it was Saturday morning. He checked his watch…he hadn’t even realized it was that early in the morning, only 8 o’clock. No wonder he was still so tired. He started walking his usual route and tried to clear his head and breath in the smell of pine trees. He dodged a branch that was growing over the path and managed to not trip over the same root that he already tripped over four times.

He already felt accomplished for that day.

So far this day was going as expected. So far this day was very unremarkable indeed. However, not everything was as it seems

It was on this Saturday morning, in this big forest near his hometown that his day would become very remarkable indeed.